As the healthier family member, it falls to us to try to achieve some level of working validation in the relationship - to lead.
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And all of this may be further complicated by the fact that we are tired, frustrated, fearful, or holding onto resentments.
Even though we know that listening carefully is important in relationships, it can be very difficult to recognize when we aren't succeeding at it.
Often, unidentified or unrecognized and invalidated feelings are at the heart of relationship issues and problems.
Understanding the fate of an invalidated feeling/experience is eye opening and can be a significant motivator to investing in learning to better validate.
It can be as simple as negative body language, a look or not saying something when one would expect something to be said.
Validation, on the other hand, is not mindless submission to another person.It also often means that we have reacted in unhealthy ways to feeling invalidated by the pw BPD.We need to fix ourselves (the pw BPD isn't going to fix us) and we need to disengage a bit from the push/pull validation habits common to pw BPD.So, the first thing to learn in validating others is to be able to identify something to validate in a "sea" of conflict that is both valid and important to the other person. It could be as simple as validating how the other person feels.Finding a validation target and mirroring it back from the other person's perspective (empathizing) is the crux of effective validating. It could be mirroring back the other person's rationale of how they are seeing things and why they feel the way the way they do.Let's first look at the importance of being true and authentic to ourselves.Tags: Adult Dating, affair dating, sex dating